Spotting the Good Guys: Your Green Flag Guide for Dating Apps
You swipe. You scroll. You see endless profiles. Dating apps can feel like a minefield. Many women waste time on dead ends. You deserve better. You want a partner, not a pen pal. This guide teaches you to spot the real contenders. We will focus on green flags. These are indicators of a good man. They show genuine interest. They signal relationship potential. Stop swiping blindly. Start dating smarter. Let's find your match.
The Profile Picture: More Than Just a Pretty Face
His photos are your first impression. They tell a story. Look beyond surface-level attractiveness. Seek authenticity. A good profile has variety. He shows his face clearly. He includes recent photos. Avoid profiles with only group shots. You cannot tell who he is. Skip blurry, low-quality images. He put no effort in. That's a red flag. Look for genuine smiles. Avoid duck faces or aggressive poses. He should look approachable. He should look happy.
Green Flag: Clear, Recent, Varied Photos. He includes at least 4-5 different pictures. One shows his full face. Another shows his full body. He has a photo doing an activity. Maybe hiking or playing a sport. This shows his interests. He might have a picture with a pet. This shows his compassionate side. He looks like himself. He looks like a real person. He looks like someone you could talk to.
Avoid: Shirtless Selfies or Gym Pics. These scream vanity. They often signal a superficial interest. He might be looking for validation. He might be looking for something casual. You want depth. You want substance. Focus on profiles showing personality. Focus on profiles showing character. You are not just looking for a body. You are looking for a partner.
Green Flag: Photos with Friends or Family (Appropriately). This indicates he has a social life. It shows he values relationships. It shows he is not a recluse. One photo with a friend is fine. A group photo at a wedding is great. Avoid profiles with only party pictures. You want balance. You want a well-rounded individual. He should have a life outside of you.
Avoid: Photos with Ex-Partners. This is a hard pass. It shows a lack of awareness. It shows he is not over his past. It shows poor judgment. You want someone present. You want someone focused on the future. You want someone ready for a new chapter. Move on from these profiles quickly.
The Bio: Your Window into His World
The bio is crucial. It reveals his personality. It shows his communication style. It demonstrates his effort. A blank bio is a red flag. He put no thought into it. He expects you to do all the work. A good bio is specific. It is engaging. It offers conversation starters. It shows he understands dating apps. He knows how to present himself.
Green Flag: Specific Interests and Hobbies. He mentions more than "travel" or "food." He says "hiking in the Rockies" or "trying new ramen spots." This gives you something to discuss. It shows he has passions. It shows he has a life. You can connect on these points. You can imagine activities together. This is the goal of a good bio.
Avoid: Generic Cliches. "Just here for a good time." "Looking for my partner in crime." These phrases are overused. They tell you nothing. They show a lack of creativity. They show a lack of originality. You want someone unique. You want someone who stands out. Skip the cliches.
Green Flag: Humor and Wit. A clever, lighthearted bio is attractive. It shows he doesn't take himself too seriously. It shows he can make you laugh. He uses self-deprecating humor. He makes a playful jab. This indicates emotional intelligence. This indicates a fun personality. You want to enjoy his company. Humor is key.
Avoid: Negativity or Complaints. "Sick of games." "Don't waste my time." These bios are off-putting. They signal bitterness. They signal a bad attitude. He brings his baggage to the app. You don't want to deal with that. You want positivity. You want optimism. Look for someone who enjoys life.
Green Flag: Clear Intentions (if applicable). Some men state what they seek. "Looking for a serious relationship." "Seeking a long-term partner." This is a huge green flag. It aligns with your goals. It saves you time. It shows honesty. It shows directness. You know where you stand. This is especially valuable on apps like Hinge or OkCupid, where intentions are often more explicit.
Avoid: Vague or Contradictory Statements. "Open to anything." "Just seeing what's out there." These phrases are unhelpful. They suggest a lack of direction. They suggest he doesn't know what he wants. You want someone decisive. You want someone with a purpose. Don't settle for ambiguity.
Green Flag: Good Grammar and Spelling. This might seem minor. It's not. It shows attention to detail. It shows he cares about presentation. It shows intelligence. He put effort into his profile. This translates to other areas of his life. You want someone who pays attention. You want someone articulate.
Avoid: Excessive Emojis or Text Speak. A few emojis are fine. A bio full of "lol" and "u" is not. It looks immature. It looks unprofessional. You are looking for a grown man. He should communicate like one. His bio is his first written impression. It should be strong.
Prompts and Questions: Deeper Insights
Apps like Hinge use prompts. These are goldmines. They offer specific insights. They go beyond surface-level bios. Pay close attention to his answers. They reveal his values. They reveal his personality. They show his thought process.
Green Flag: Thoughtful, Detailed Answers. He uses all the available space. He provides specific examples. He shares a personal anecdote. This shows he put effort in. This shows he wants to connect. He gives you material for conversation. He makes it easy for you to respond.
Example (Hinge):
- Prompt: "My greatest strength is..."
- Green Flag Answer: "My ability to listen. My friends always come to me for advice. I try to offer practical solutions, but mostly, I just listen without judgment."
This answer shows empathy. It shows he is a good friend. It shows he is a good listener. These are valuable traits in a partner.
Avoid: One-Word Answers or Generic Responses. "Traveling." "Food." These answers are lazy. They show he didn't care. They show he expects you to carry the conversation. You want someone engaged. You want someone invested. Skip these profiles.
Example (Hinge):
- Prompt: "I'm looking for..."
- Red Flag Answer: "Someone fun."
This tells you nothing. Everyone wants "someone fun." What does "fun" mean to him? He hasn't clarified. He hasn't put in the work.
Green Flag: Answers that Reveal Values. He talks about family. He talks about community. He talks about personal growth. These are important indicators. They show what matters to him. They show he has depth. You want a partner with shared values. This builds a strong foundation.
Example (Hinge):
- Prompt: "The most spontaneous thing I've done..."
- Green Flag Answer: "Booked a solo trip to Iceland last minute. I hiked a glacier and saw the Northern Lights. It taught me to embrace the unknown."
This shows he is adventurous. It shows he is independent. It shows he seeks new experiences. It also reveals a growth mindset. These are all positive attributes.
Avoid: Answers that Focus on Materialism or Superficiality. "My dream car." "My expensive watch." These answers show misplaced priorities. They suggest he values possessions over people. You want someone grounded. You want someone with substance. Look for more meaningful responses.
Green Flag: Self-Awareness and Reflection. He acknowledges his flaws. He talks about personal growth. He shows he understands himself. This is a sign of maturity. This is a sign of emotional intelligence. You want a partner who can self-reflect. This leads to healthier relationships.
Example (Hinge):
- Prompt: "A life goal of mine..."
- Green Flag Answer: "To become a better active listener. I sometimes interrupt, and I'm working on letting others finish their thoughts completely."
This shows he recognizes an area for improvement. It shows he is actively working on it. This is a very strong green flag. He is committed to personal development.
The "About Me" Section (OkCupid, Bumble)
Some apps offer longer "About Me" sections. OkCupid is a prime example. This gives him more room to express himself. It also gives you more to evaluate. Look for consistency. Look for depth. Look for genuine self-expression.
Green Flag: A Well-Written, Coherent Narrative. He tells a story. He connects his interests. He explains his passions. It flows well. It makes sense. This shows strong communication skills. This shows he can articulate his thoughts. It also shows he is thoughtful.
Avoid: A Jumbled Mess of Ideas. Disconnected sentences. Random thoughts. No clear theme. This indicates disorganization. It indicates a lack of clarity. You want someone who can communicate clearly. This is fundamental for a healthy relationship.
Green Flag: Openness and Vulnerability (Appropriately). He shares a personal story. He talks about a challenge he overcame. He expresses a hope or a dream. This builds connection. It shows he is comfortable being himself. It shows he trusts the process. You want someone authentic. You want someone real.
Avoid: Over-Sharing or Trauma Dumping. He talks about past relationship drama. He details his mental health struggles. He complains about his exes. This is too much, too soon. It's a red flag. He needs to process these things elsewhere. Dating apps are for meeting, not therapy. You want a partner, not a project.
Green Flag: Mentions of Future Goals or Aspirations. He talks about his career path. He discusses his travel plans. He mentions learning a new skill. This shows ambition. It shows he has a vision for his life. You want a partner with direction. You want someone who is going somewhere.
Avoid: Entitlement or Arrogance. He boasts about his achievements. He talks down to others. He implies he is superior. This is a major red flag. You want humility. You want respect. You want someone who treats others well. Arrogance is a turn-off.
Deal Breakers and Preferences: What He's Looking For
Many apps allow users to list deal breakers. They also allow users to state preferences. Pay attention to these sections. They reveal his priorities. They reveal his expectations. They show if your values align.
Green Flag: Alignment with Your Own Values. He lists "family-oriented" or "good communication" as important. You value these too. This is a strong match. It suggests compatibility. It suggests shared relationship goals. This saves you time and heartache.
Avoid: Superficial or Demanding Preferences. "Must be 5'8" and blonde." "Must love to cook." These preferences are shallow. They show he is focused on superficial traits. They show he has unrealistic expectations. You want someone who sees beyond the surface. You want someone who values you for you.
Green Flag: Flexibility and Open-Mindedness. He states preferences but acknowledges flexibility. "Ideally, but open to other qualities." This shows he is not rigid. It shows he is willing to compromise. It shows he is open to possibilities. You want someone adaptable. You want someone reasonable.
Avoid: Excessive Deal Breakers. A long list of "must-nots." This suggests he is overly critical. It suggests he is hard to please. It implies a negative outlook. You want someone who focuses on positives. You want someone who sees the good. Too many deal breakers are a red flag.
Green Flag: Respectful Language. Even when stating preferences, he uses polite language. He avoids judgmental tones. He avoids aggressive phrasing. This shows he is a respectful person. This shows he is considerate. You want a partner who treats others with dignity. This is non-negotiable.
The Initial Message: Beyond the Profile
You've found a promising profile. Now he messages you. Or you message him. The initial interaction is critical. It confirms or denies your green flag assessment. It shows his communication style. It shows his level of interest. It shows his respect for your time.
Green Flag: A Personalized, Thoughtful Message. He references something specific from your profile. He asks an open-ended question. He shows genuine curiosity. This is a strong indicator. He put effort in. He wants to know you. He wants to start a conversation.
Example (Bumble/Hinge):
- Your Profile: "Love trying new coffee shops, especially ones with unique latte art."
- Green Flag Message: "Your profile mentioned latte art – have you been to [Local Coffee Shop Name]? Their barista is an artist!"
This message is specific. It shows he read your profile. It offers a clear conversation starter. It's engaging.
Avoid: Generic "Hey" or "How are you?" Messages. These are lazy. They show no effort. They show he sends the same message to everyone. You are not just anyone. You deserve more. You deserve a personalized approach. Delete and move on.
Green Flag: Asks Follow-Up Questions. He doesn't just answer your question. He asks one back. He keeps the conversation flowing. He shows active listening. He shows genuine engagement. This is how real conversations happen. This is how connections are built.
Avoid: Interview-Style Questioning. He fires off questions without sharing anything about himself. It feels like an interrogation. It feels one-sided. He expects you to perform. You want a dialogue. You want a two-way street.
Green Flag: Suggests a Date (Appropriately). After a few messages, he suggests meeting up. This is the goal of dating apps. He is direct. He is confident. He respects your time. He doesn't want to be a pen pal. He wants to meet in person. This is a huge green flag.
Avoid: Endless Texting or Compliments Without Action. He texts for days or weeks. He compliments your looks repeatedly. He never suggests a date. This is a red flag. He might be bored. He might be seeking validation. He might be a time-waster. You want action. You want progress.
Green Flag: Respects Your Boundaries. You mention you're busy. He acknowledges it. He doesn't push. He understands. This shows respect. It shows he values your time. It shows he is a considerate person. You want a partner who respects your limits.
Avoid: Pressure or Guilt-Tripping. He pushes for your number too soon. He gets upset if you don't respond immediately. He tries to make you feel bad. This is manipulative behavior. It's a major red flag. You don't need that in your life. Block and move on.
His Digital Footprint: Social Media and Beyond
Many apps link to social media. You can also do a quick search. This offers more context. It confirms his identity. It reveals more about his life. Use this tool wisely. Don't stalk. Do a quick check for major red flags.
Green Flag: Consistent Online Presence. His social media aligns with his profile. His photos are similar. His interests are consistent. This confirms his authenticity. It shows he is who he says he is. It builds trust. You want someone transparent.
Avoid: Discrepancies or Missing Information. His social media looks completely different. He has no online presence. This can be a red flag. It might indicate dishonesty. It might indicate he is hiding something. Proceed with caution.
Green Flag: Positive or Neutral Social Media Content. His posts are normal. He shares hobbies. He interacts with friends. He posts about his life. This is what you want to see. It shows he is a well-adjusted individual. It shows he has a healthy social life.
Avoid: Negative, Aggressive, or Inappropriate Content. Rants about exes. Sexually explicit posts. Discriminatory comments. These are major red flags. They reveal a toxic personality. They reveal poor judgment. You want someone positive. You want someone respectful.
Green Flag: Professional Presence (if applicable). His LinkedIn profile is professional. His work is consistent. This shows ambition. It shows stability. It shows he takes his career seriously. You want a partner with a stable life. You want someone responsible.
Avoid: No Trace of a Job or Career. He mentions a job but there's no evidence. This can be a red flag. It might indicate unemployment. It might indicate dishonesty. You want someone with a stable foundation. You want someone who can support themselves.
The "About Me" Section (OkCupid, Bumble)
Some apps offer longer "About Me" sections. OkCupid is a prime example. This gives him more room to express himself. It also gives you more to evaluate. Look for consistency. Look for depth. Look for genuine self-expression.
Green Flag: A Well-Written, Coherent Narrative. He tells a story. He connects his interests. He explains his passions. It flows well. It makes sense. This shows strong communication skills. This shows he can articulate his thoughts. It also shows he is thoughtful.
Avoid: A Jumbled Mess of Ideas. Disconnected sentences. Random thoughts. No clear theme. This indicates disorganization. It indicates a lack of clarity. You want someone who can communicate clearly. This is fundamental for a healthy relationship.
Green Flag: Openness and Vulnerability (Appropriately). He shares a personal story. He talks about a challenge he overcame. He expresses a hope or a dream. This builds connection. It shows he is comfortable being himself. It shows he trusts the process. You want someone authentic. You want someone real.
Avoid: Over-Sharing or Trauma Dumping. He talks about past relationship drama. He details his mental health struggles. He complains about his exes. This is too much, too soon. It's a red flag. He needs to process these things elsewhere. Dating apps are for meeting, not therapy. You want a partner, not a project.
Green Flag: Mentions of Future Goals or Aspirations. He talks about his career path. He discusses his travel plans. He mentions learning a new skill. This shows ambition. It shows he has a vision for his life. You want a partner with direction. You want someone who is going somewhere.
Avoid: Entitlement or Arrogance. He boasts about his achievements. He talks down to others. He implies he is superior. This is a major red flag. You want humility. You want respect. You want someone who treats others well. Arrogance is a turn-off.
Deal Breakers and Preferences: What He's Looking For
Many apps allow users to list deal breakers. They also allow users to state preferences. Pay attention to these sections. They reveal his priorities. They reveal his expectations. They show if your values align.
Green Flag: Alignment with Your Own Values. He lists "family-oriented" or "good communication" as important. You value these too. This is a strong match. It suggests compatibility. It suggests shared relationship goals. This saves you time and heartache.
Avoid: Superficial or Demanding Preferences. "Must be 5'8" and blonde." "Must love to cook." These preferences are shallow. They show he is focused on superficial traits. They show he has unrealistic expectations. You want someone who sees beyond the surface. You want someone who values you for you.
Green Flag: Flexibility and Open-Mindedness. He states preferences but acknowledges flexibility. "Ideally, but open to other qualities." This shows he is not rigid. It shows he is willing to compromise. It shows he is open to possibilities. You want someone adaptable. You want someone reasonable.
Avoid: Excessive Deal Breakers. A long list of "must-nots." This suggests he is overly critical. It suggests he is hard to please. It implies a negative outlook. You want someone who focuses on positives. You want someone who sees the good. Too many deal breakers are a red flag.
Green Flag: Respectful Language. Even when stating preferences, he uses polite language. He avoids judgmental tones. He avoids aggressive phrasing. This shows he is a respectful person. This shows he is considerate. You want a partner who treats others with dignity. This is non-negotiable.
The Initial Message: Beyond the Profile
You've found a promising profile. Now he messages you. Or you message him. The initial interaction is critical. It confirms or denies your green flag assessment. It shows his communication style. It shows his level of interest. It shows his respect for your time.
Green Flag: A Personalized, Thoughtful Message. He references something specific from your profile. He asks an open-ended question. He shows genuine curiosity. This is a strong indicator. He put effort in. He wants to know you. He wants to start a conversation.
Example (Bumble/Hinge):
- Your Profile: "Love trying new coffee shops, especially ones with unique latte art."
- Green Flag Message: "Your profile mentioned latte art – have you been to [Local Coffee Shop Name]? Their barista is an artist!"
This message is specific. It shows he read your profile. It offers a clear conversation starter. It's engaging.
Avoid: Generic "Hey" or "How are you?" Messages. These are lazy. They show no effort. They show he sends the same message to everyone. You are not just anyone. You deserve more. You deserve a personalized approach. Delete and move on.
Green Flag: Asks Follow-Up Questions. He doesn't just answer your question. He asks one back. He keeps the conversation flowing. He shows active listening. He shows genuine engagement. This is how real conversations happen. This is how connections are built.
Avoid: Interview-Style Questioning. He fires off questions without sharing anything about himself. It feels like an interrogation. It feels one-sided. He expects you to perform. You want a dialogue. You want a two-way street.
Green Flag: Suggests a Date (Appropriately). After a few messages, he suggests meeting up. This is the goal of dating apps. He is direct. He is confident. He respects your time. He doesn't want to be a pen pal. He wants to meet in person. This is a huge green flag.
Avoid: Endless Texting or Compliments Without Action. He texts for days or weeks. He compliments your looks repeatedly. He never suggests a date. This is a red flag. He might be bored. He might be seeking validation. He might be a time-waster. You want action. You want progress.
Green Flag: Respects Your Boundaries. You mention you're busy. He acknowledges it. He doesn't push. He understands. This shows respect. It shows he values your time. It shows he is a considerate person. You want a partner who respects your limits.
Avoid: Pressure or Guilt-Tripping. He pushes for your number too soon. He gets upset if you don't respond immediately. He tries to make you feel bad. This is manipulative behavior. It's a major red flag. You don't need that in your life. Block and move on.
His Digital Footprint: Social Media and Beyond
Many apps link to social media. You can also do a quick search. This offers more context. It confirms his identity. It reveals more about his life. Use this tool wisely. Don't stalk. Do a quick check for major red flags.
Green Flag: Consistent Online Presence. His social media aligns with his profile. His photos are similar. His interests are consistent. This confirms his authenticity. It shows he is who he says he is. It builds trust. You want someone transparent.
Avoid: Discrepancies or Missing Information. His social media looks completely different. He has no online presence. This can be a red flag. It might indicate dishonesty. It might indicate he is hiding something. Proceed with caution.
Green Flag: Positive or Neutral Social Media Content. His posts are normal. He shares hobbies. He interacts with friends. He posts about his life. This is what you want to see. It shows he is a well-adjusted individual. It shows he has a healthy social life.
Avoid: Negative, Aggressive, or Inappropriate Content. Rants about exes. Sexually explicit posts. Discriminatory comments. These are major red flags. They reveal a toxic personality. They reveal poor judgment. You want someone positive. You want someone respectful.
Green Flag: Professional Presence (if applicable). His LinkedIn profile is professional. His work is consistent. This shows ambition. It shows stability. It shows he takes his career seriously. You want a partner with a stable life. You want someone responsible.
Avoid: No Trace of a Job or Career. He mentions a job but there's no evidence. This can be a red flag. It might indicate unemployment. It might indicate dishonesty. You want someone with a stable foundation. You want someone who can support themselves.
The Video Call: A Pre-Date Check
Before meeting in person, suggest a quick video call. This is a powerful screening tool. It confirms his appearance. It confirms his voice. It confirms his personality. It saves you from wasted dates.
Green Flag: Eagerness to Video Call. He agrees readily. He suggests a time. He seems comfortable. This shows confidence. It shows he has nothing to hide. It shows he is serious about meeting. He wants to connect with you.
Avoid: Hesitation or Excuses. He makes excuses. He postpones repeatedly. He avoids the video call. This is a red flag. He might not look like his photos. He might be hiding something. He might be a catfish. Trust your gut. Move on if he resists.
Green Flag: Good Conversation During the Call. He maintains eye contact. He asks questions. He listens actively. He smiles. He laughs. The conversation flows naturally. This confirms your initial assessment. He is engaging in person too. This is a great sign.
Avoid: Awkwardness or Disinterest. He looks away. He seems distracted. He gives short answers. The conversation is forced. This indicates a lack of connection. It indicates he is not a good conversationalist. This will likely translate to an in-person date. Save your time.
Green Flag: Consistent Personality. His online persona matches his video call persona. He is just as witty. He is just as charming. He is just as genuine. This confirms authenticity. He is consistent across platforms. This builds trust and confidence.
Avoid: Drastic Personality Shift. He seemed confident in texts. He is shy and awkward on video. He seemed funny. He is now serious. This inconsistency is a red flag. It suggests he is not being genuine. You want someone consistent. You want someone real.
Green Flag: Appropriate Setting. He is in a normal environment. His background is clean. He is alone. This shows he is considerate. It shows he respects the call. It shows he is prepared. It shows he is a responsible adult.
Avoid: Distracting or Inappropriate Setting. He is in a messy room. He has loud music playing. Others are in the background. This shows a lack of consideration. It shows a lack of respect. It shows he is not taking the call seriously. You deserve his full attention.
Beyond the Profile: Your Intuition
Your gut feeling is powerful. Pay attention to it. It's your subconscious processing information. It's your inner alarm system. If something feels off, it probably is. Don't ignore your intuition. It's a key green flag detector.
Green Flag: A Sense of Ease and Comfort. You feel relaxed. You feel safe. You feel like you can be yourself. This is a strong indicator. It means he creates a positive environment. It means you can potentially build trust. This is essential for any relationship.
Avoid: A Sense of Unease or Anxiety. You feel on edge. You feel like you need to impress him. You feel something is wrong. These are red flags. Your body is telling you to be careful. Listen to it. Don't push past these feelings.
Green Flag: Genuine Excitement. You feel excited to talk to him. You look forward to his messages. You anticipate a date. This positive emotion is a green flag. It means there's a spark. It means there's potential for joy. You deserve to feel excited.
Avoid: Dread or Obligation. You feel like you "should" respond. You feel a sense of duty. You don't look forward to interacting. This is a red flag. Dating should be enjoyable. It should not feel like a chore. Move on if it feels like work.
Green Flag: Trust Your Inner Voice. If your inner voice says "yes," explore it. If it says "no," listen. Your intuition has your best interests at heart. It's a culmination of your experiences. It's a powerful guide. Use it to your advantage.
Avoid: Rationalizing Red Flags. "He's busy." "He didn't mean it." "Maybe I'm overthinking." Don't make excuses for bad behavior. Don't minimize your discomfort. A red flag is a red flag. Acknowledge it. Act on it. Protect yourself.
Putting It All Together: Your Green Flag Checklist
You now have a comprehensive toolkit. Use this checklist. Evaluate profiles thoroughly. Screen potential matches effectively. This will save you time. This will save you emotional energy. This will lead you to better dates. This will lead you to better relationships.
- Photos: Clear, recent, varied, no shirtless selfies, includes activities or friends.
- Bio: Specific interests, witty humor, good grammar, clear intentions (if applicable).
- Prompts: Thoughtful, detailed answers, reveals values, shows self-awareness.
- Initial Message: Personalized, asks questions, suggests a date (after a few messages).
- Communication: Consistent, respectful, asks follow-up questions, doesn't pressure.
- Social Media (optional check): Consistent, positive, professional (if applicable).
- Video Call (pre-date): Eager, good conversation, consistent personality, appropriate setting.
- Intuition: Sense of ease, genuine excitement, no red flags ignored.
This checklist is your secret weapon. It empowers you. It gives you control. You are in charge of your dating life. You choose who you interact with. You choose who you date. Choose wisely. Choose with intention.
Final Thoughts: Date with Intention
Dating apps can be overwhelming. They can be frustrating. But they also offer incredible opportunities. You can connect with amazing people. You can find your ideal partner. You just need the right strategy. You need to know what to look for. You need to trust yourself.
Focus on green flags. Seek out men who show effort. Seek out men who show respect. Seek out men who are genuine. Don't settle for less. You are a high-value woman. You deserve a high-value partner. Use these tools. Date with confidence. Date with intention. Your future self will thank you for it.
Go forth and swipe smarter. Find the green flags. Find your match. You've got this.